“I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.

But not this baby, no way.

This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I’m dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can’t say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I’m dropping off my kid’s team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!

I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white phosphorus missile system, and talk about *SWEET*! Burn baby burn!!!

Oh, it also has plenty of room for groceries, and if you need to like move a loveseat or something it’ll fit if you use a little bungee cord.

The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size.

Overall, a great tank. ”

- Thomas Dunham “Los Pepes”

“What can i say the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank this thing is solid, I’ll tell you my story.

It was a late night in Boston the redsox had just won the World Series, the town erupted into pandemonium. I sat at a set of stop lights in my JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank (the Donk) when over the radio I heard the news. The riots were breaking out all over the city, my apartment was on the other side of town, fortunately Amazon had delivered my Donk the day before (Amazon Prime free 2 day baby) . I gunned the 6hp Tecumseh gasoline engine and layed a quarter inch of rubber, I blew through the red light knowing time was not on my side.

As we rolled down Boylston street we were taking sniper fire, my wife relayed the cordenence of the riots she was receiving over the 400 watt premium sound system. The traffic cleared the way as the donk rolled down the street. I had purchased the optional water hose crowd dispersal unit… little did I know how worthless it would prove to be.

As we rounded the corner of Boylston street onto Yawkee Way that’s when we hit a flash riot. I looked out over the sea of drunken roudy Red Sox fans, the only thing between me and victory was defeat and between that was my Donk. I hit the break (the JL421 only has one) we skidded to a halt, I screamed to the little lady, lay down a suppressing stream with the water hose. She put up a fight (so proud of her) but the sea of humanity pressed in on us. The Donk was rocking we could hear the crowd trying to make sense of the Donk, I popped in Dirty water and blasted it over the speaker system, to convey that I was a friendly, all of the sudden we heard it a gargled drunken call “That is ARod’s JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser” I looked into my wife’s eyes and thought it was over for us, I whispered “I loved you” the Chat of who’s your daddy ringing, echoing through the Donk.

The crowed thinking that within our iron shell was Alex Rodriguez and that if they could pry it open like an oyster, to get to him, they could take out 86 years of Frustration. They rolled the Donk, I felt the thumps as rioter after drunken rioter scaled my donk, in a display of masculine vibrato. We then felt the heat as a Malakoff cocktail entered the mix, lighting the side of our ride. We could watch our own demise on our satellite TV system I had installed. But the Donk took it all in stride. And then almost as quickly as it started it was over, the crowed was gone. The silence was deafening the as I popped the hatch on my Donk I felt the October sky upon my face, my wife bruised and battered looked into my eyes and just wept.

As the world loses it’s mind you will see the value of the Donk line increase get in on the ground floor now… protect yourself today buy the Donk”

- Charles Bittner “www.Dontquotemeonthat.com”